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One day I took a
It wasn’t, though. I started bleeding one weekend, and just like that, it was another miscarriage.
Until I started bleeding on Sunday. And then cramping. And then the ER doctor poked his head in the room and said, “Got all the tests and ultrasound results. You’re not pregnant. The nurse will be right by with your discharge papers.”
And that was it. Within two seconds, I was suddenly “not pregnant.”
I don’t think he meant to be callous and abrupt; I could hear a lot of commotion outside of my hospital room door. And in the big scheme of things, a miscarriage of a barely-pregnant woman versus a heart attack or stroke…..well, I can understand – take the time to save the life you can, not the feelings about the one you can’t.
Now I begin the process of healing. Again.
It’s amazing how badly this hurt. Just because it was my third didn’t diminish the pain. Thankfully, Phillip isn’t out of town for this one (like he was the first), and I’m not travelling for CASA (which I was the second).
Even so, there’s no real way to forget that this happened for a bit, to numb the pain. I tried to escape into the pages of a book, only to be interrupted by contractions and having to change the pad again.
Like many people, I use music to help me heal. I’m not talented with regards to music or the arts – I can’t draw, can’t compose, and can’t carry a tune. But I love and embrace the words and emotions of others that are put into song.
As I once again compose a Sonos playlist to help me through this (because I don’t keep them after I don’t need them), I want to share some of these songs with you. These are for anyone experiencing loss, whether it’s an unborn baby, a child, spouse, family member, friend….the pain is there.
I hope and pray that your pain eases. That your bad days get a little less bad and a little less frequent. Because that’s how recovery is. The waves of anguish will begin to wash over you less frequently, and they won’t hit as hard. Until then, take refuge in these beautiful words.
The ones on this post are a few of my favorites, but you can GO HERE to see the full YouTube playlist with all 34 songs.
An earlier version of this post Tiffany wrote was published on The Crazy Shopping Cart